Friday, November 26, 2010

A Lesson in Trust

My oldest son is teaching me a lesson in trusting God. He is a worry-wart of the utmost kind. If the girls are running ahead at the store or outside or at church, he badgers me about it: "Phoebe is too far ahead! What if she gets lost?! PHOEBE! Come back! MOM!!....." If Phillip and I go for a walk outside in front of our house, so that we can always see the house and the kids can run outside and get us if needed, we are sure to see him in the front yard trying to spy us out because he wants to make sure we don't go too far. If there is a plan, he will continually check to make sure we are on schedule, "Are you going to finish cleaning up so we can watch our movie? You said we could watch it when you were done. Will you be done by 2 like you said?" Etc, etc.

I've come to realize that he worries so much because he actually doesn't trust his parents to take care of things. He feels the burden is on him to make sure his sisters don't get lost or that our schedule gets done on time. It's good that he is taking some responsibility, but he takes on many burdens that are not his to take and are not even in his power to accomplish.

I very much see myself in him when I don't trust my Father in heaven. I take on responsibilities that I can't even accomplish and then worry about them as if I have any control over the situation whatsoever. When I do this, I don't actually believe God can or will take care of me. I'm trying to take care of it on my own, because I feel more in control, I guess. But now I see how annoying it is to God! And how useless it is for me. He's big enough. He will make sure "Phoebe doesn't get too far" or "the schedule is accomplished" or whatever my worries are. I can trust Him. He'll even make sure the best thing will happen for me; which is not necessarily what I want from Him. "Which of you, if his son asks for bead, will give him a stone?" Sometimes I'm really wanting stones thinking they are bread, but God knows what is bread and what is stone and He will give me bread. I can trust Him.

"...and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6: 32-34

I will trust Him. And pray that my son will grow to trust as well. :-)

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